What I Would Have Missed

There are so many occasions in my life where I have nearly "ruined" things.So many times if I'd gotten "my way" it would have been disastrous in wide-spread fashion. Many folks who have the good fortune (hee-ha)of walking closely with have witnessed these such occasions and can tell you this is true.
There are other such occasions, and there are more of these, where not many could know the turmoil in my mind, the fighting in my soul, the agony I experience over what seems minor to many. Its these occasions I feel the battle is truly won. The "little" things that, as it turns out, aren't so little.
If I had been given my first choice in many occasions, I would have missed the majority of the gifts in my life. My desire to live in a cave, with my coffee, a good book and the occasional encounter with a husband or child would have certainly gotten in the way of most of my relationships with friends and family...all of which I count on and treasure at this point in my life. My yearn for sleep and all the beauty found arest my pillow threatens to devour all that I hold dear. My quest for quiet and solitude are noble, and needed at times, but often those two gems are given entirely too high priority.
The list is nearly endless, really, when I think of all the little corners of my mind where I balk against the way things are going, the "obligations" that build, the to-be list that just keeps expanding. "But I want...!" is usually the first thought when anything is asked of me.
The good news is I have a loving God who constantly coaches me along in His way. All my needs, wants, preferences, initial plans fall short of any real success when they attempt to stand up to the number one priority for being a follower of Christ on this earth: LOVING OTHERS...all others...not just my smiley three-year old or my nice smelling husband :-). But the neighbor who just needs to chat with someone, the coworker who has more on her plate than anyone I know, the churchmember who doesn't know he steps all over toes. The children with dirty hands and feet who are just happy to be here with friends, the parents of those precious children, who just want to come and be with folks, not stress every second of the time they are here. Whew...as I said, the list is endless and I haven't even begun to tackle it. Bottom line is, my hang-ups, plans, wishes, preferences are almost never what works with loving others, and for so long it was a huge fight to lay them down. Thankfully, often God won, and in light of that here are a few things I would have missed if I HAD gotten "my way":
13 years of marriage
a best friend (to whom I have been married 13 years)
Jessika and Joseph
Nearly all my close friendships that I can't imagine living without...
my great job
our church plant
our church home - I would have left over feelings more than a dozen times
a solid relationship with my mother and father in law
my precious house/home

There are many, many things that didn't make the list, but I am out of time! There are stories that go with each thing, and some of them you know, some of them you don't. If you ever want to know just ask.
The thing is, I need to check this list, then I need to check myself. I am often internally (occasionally externally) fuming about the path before me, when that very path be it rocky or smooth, peaceful or chaotic, is THE path to the only needful thing: Christ and loving his people (all people).
My prayer is that this list will continue to point me to letting go of my strings on things and truly be the woman I can be in Christ so that the world around me will KNOW His love.