From the garden to the cross,
Thy mercy did endure,
My soul perged from all dross,
In blood made pure.
Be merciful to me,
Be merciful to me,
Through shadow dark and valley deep;
Be merciful to me.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Holding Tightly
Anyone within my personal vicinity knows that I have been wondering and wavering the past few weeks. The worry of the future coupled with the knowledge that moving on is a must, have sent me into many emotional tailspins with doubt and anger as my traveling companions.
As usual, He didn't leave me to wallow around in my self-made mud. Through music, scripture and sound advice from dear ones in my life He has given me a leg up on all this chaos and a hope for the moment AND the big scary future.
As I watched the Gaither's with Grandma, the first change in perspective came. We can make jokes about the big hair and old-fashioned clothing, phrasing and music if we want to. And it would be naive to think that every person in these videos is walking tightly, authentically with the Lord every minute. BUT I believe I can safely refer to Poppa Goodman as a saint, or nearly. That night he was sharing that he didn't mind growing old and not being able to get around. But for the past few weeks he had been unable to sleep at night and hadn't even told his wife yet. He was being kept awake with the fearful question, "How did he know that heaven and Jesus were truly waiting for Him?" . His answer came in scripture and in song and praying his way through each night.
Here's my thinking at that point, as tears flowed down my face: if Poppa Goodman can doubt that Jesus and heaven are there for him, then its not just me, maybe I am not faithless....?
The words to a familiar Bebo Norman song reflect my feelings well:
It's on the tip of my heart,
the words to say
But I fall apart and I walk away
There's an angry world pressed against my back
And at every turn I keep looking back
And I know you promise me
Love through eternity
So why can't I just hold on
I want to live, I want to love
But I'm afraid my simple faith will never be enough
I want to laugh, I want to be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
But I don't know where to start
It's on the tip of my heart
I listened to this song as I walked through the snow in the mountains of Cumberland, and the beautiful thing is, through this comfortable song I have known for quite some time, God brought me new assurance. Someone else putting to words what I have been struggling with means that this is not new to humanity, more importantly, its not new to Him.
The same day as I read my devotional scripted for that date, I had more beauty heaped upon me!
Isaiah 41:13 "I am holding you by your right hand-I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, 'Do not be afraid, I am here to help you'. "
So I find that the details ahead are still worriesome. But since He holds my right hand, and I have the promise of His love for eternity, I believe I can take the steps I need to take today to walk with Him. And really, thats all I need to know.
The last chorus of the "Bebo" song says it well:
So I'm gonna live,
I'm gonna love
I'm not afraid because your grace will always be enough
I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
You have shown me where to start
It's on the tip of my heart
My prayer is that as I hold tightly to His dear hand, His promise of eternal love will flow over and on to others.
As usual, He didn't leave me to wallow around in my self-made mud. Through music, scripture and sound advice from dear ones in my life He has given me a leg up on all this chaos and a hope for the moment AND the big scary future.
As I watched the Gaither's with Grandma, the first change in perspective came. We can make jokes about the big hair and old-fashioned clothing, phrasing and music if we want to. And it would be naive to think that every person in these videos is walking tightly, authentically with the Lord every minute. BUT I believe I can safely refer to Poppa Goodman as a saint, or nearly. That night he was sharing that he didn't mind growing old and not being able to get around. But for the past few weeks he had been unable to sleep at night and hadn't even told his wife yet. He was being kept awake with the fearful question, "How did he know that heaven and Jesus were truly waiting for Him?" . His answer came in scripture and in song and praying his way through each night.
Here's my thinking at that point, as tears flowed down my face: if Poppa Goodman can doubt that Jesus and heaven are there for him, then its not just me, maybe I am not faithless....?
The words to a familiar Bebo Norman song reflect my feelings well:
It's on the tip of my heart,
the words to say
But I fall apart and I walk away
There's an angry world pressed against my back
And at every turn I keep looking back
And I know you promise me
Love through eternity
So why can't I just hold on
I want to live, I want to love
But I'm afraid my simple faith will never be enough
I want to laugh, I want to be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
But I don't know where to start
It's on the tip of my heart
I listened to this song as I walked through the snow in the mountains of Cumberland, and the beautiful thing is, through this comfortable song I have known for quite some time, God brought me new assurance. Someone else putting to words what I have been struggling with means that this is not new to humanity, more importantly, its not new to Him.
The same day as I read my devotional scripted for that date, I had more beauty heaped upon me!
Isaiah 41:13 "I am holding you by your right hand-I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, 'Do not be afraid, I am here to help you'. "
So I find that the details ahead are still worriesome. But since He holds my right hand, and I have the promise of His love for eternity, I believe I can take the steps I need to take today to walk with Him. And really, thats all I need to know.
The last chorus of the "Bebo" song says it well:
So I'm gonna live,
I'm gonna love
I'm not afraid because your grace will always be enough
I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
You have shown me where to start
It's on the tip of my heart
My prayer is that as I hold tightly to His dear hand, His promise of eternal love will flow over and on to others.
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