Sisters and a White Christmas

OK…OK… this is not Karrie, but her husband James, Jamey, Jay-mas, the dude with the Amish beard- what ever you want to call me. I love the parody Bing Crosby and Danny Kaye do of the sister act performed early in White Christmas by Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen. This movie and the “sisters” song has always been part of my wife’s family culture and if you got to know her and her three sisters you would understand why. For me, and probably my three brothers in laws, we can resonate with Danny and Bing as we can only watch from the outside and can’t completely comprehend the depth of connection they have for one another. We don’t completely get it but like Danny and Bing we have learned to enjoy it.

I do appreciate it and I love it that these relationships are part of my wife’s life; it makes up a good part of who she is. The relationship between these sisters makes me smile. And so I wanted to post these videos for my wife and her three sisters. Through good times and bad you four are always there for one another. I can’t think of many other things that lives out the message of Christmas any better than that.

Jesus himself was born on Christmas day, being God he still was not ashamed to be counted as a brother among all of humanity. He sticks with us not only through the joy of life but also the sorrow, hardship, trials, injustice, and sin. Dreaming of a white Christmas seems so appropriate as the death and cold of winter is somehow transformed into something beautiful. Jesus truly brings us a white Christmas and through him we find hope for life and beauty among even the shadow of death and despair. What majesty we can find in Jesus as the hush of a winters snow brings a sense of peace to even that hardest of winters.

I see Jesus doing just that in the lives of these four sisters even today so I want to thank him for these sisters and for a White Christmas no matter what the weather forecast may be and the future will hold. We know and can be confident that Jesus is present in it all.

Peace,

James

Our New Cat Remy

What I Would Have Missed

There are so many occasions in my life where I have nearly "ruined" things.So many times if I'd gotten "my way" it would have been disastrous in wide-spread fashion. Many folks who have the good fortune (hee-ha)of walking closely with have witnessed these such occasions and can tell you this is true.
There are other such occasions, and there are more of these, where not many could know the turmoil in my mind, the fighting in my soul, the agony I experience over what seems minor to many. Its these occasions I feel the battle is truly won. The "little" things that, as it turns out, aren't so little.
If I had been given my first choice in many occasions, I would have missed the majority of the gifts in my life. My desire to live in a cave, with my coffee, a good book and the occasional encounter with a husband or child would have certainly gotten in the way of most of my relationships with friends and family...all of which I count on and treasure at this point in my life. My yearn for sleep and all the beauty found arest my pillow threatens to devour all that I hold dear. My quest for quiet and solitude are noble, and needed at times, but often those two gems are given entirely too high priority.
The list is nearly endless, really, when I think of all the little corners of my mind where I balk against the way things are going, the "obligations" that build, the to-be list that just keeps expanding. "But I want...!" is usually the first thought when anything is asked of me.
The good news is I have a loving God who constantly coaches me along in His way. All my needs, wants, preferences, initial plans fall short of any real success when they attempt to stand up to the number one priority for being a follower of Christ on this earth: LOVING OTHERS...all others...not just my smiley three-year old or my nice smelling husband :-). But the neighbor who just needs to chat with someone, the coworker who has more on her plate than anyone I know, the churchmember who doesn't know he steps all over toes. The children with dirty hands and feet who are just happy to be here with friends, the parents of those precious children, who just want to come and be with folks, not stress every second of the time they are here. Whew...as I said, the list is endless and I haven't even begun to tackle it. Bottom line is, my hang-ups, plans, wishes, preferences are almost never what works with loving others, and for so long it was a huge fight to lay them down. Thankfully, often God won, and in light of that here are a few things I would have missed if I HAD gotten "my way":
13 years of marriage
a best friend (to whom I have been married 13 years)
Jessika and Joseph
Nearly all my close friendships that I can't imagine living without...
my great job
our church plant
our church home - I would have left over feelings more than a dozen times
a solid relationship with my mother and father in law
my precious house/home

There are many, many things that didn't make the list, but I am out of time! There are stories that go with each thing, and some of them you know, some of them you don't. If you ever want to know just ask.
The thing is, I need to check this list, then I need to check myself. I am often internally (occasionally externally) fuming about the path before me, when that very path be it rocky or smooth, peaceful or chaotic, is THE path to the only needful thing: Christ and loving his people (all people).
My prayer is that this list will continue to point me to letting go of my strings on things and truly be the woman I can be in Christ so that the world around me will KNOW His love.

The Gift

Winter snow is falling down, children laughing all around.

Lights are turnin' on, like a fairy tale come true.

Sitting by the fire we made, you're the answer when I prayed

I would find some one, and baby I found you.

And all I want is to hold you forever.

All I need is you more everyday. You saved my heart from being broken apart,

you gave your love away, and I'm thankful everyday for the gift.

Dearest Jamey,

Nearly thirteen years ago you gave me your heart and pledged your love at our wedding. Nearly 8 years ago you gave me your heart again, at even greater risk. God used you to change my life forever that day. The lyrics to this song have always been meaningful to me because I believe that you did save my heart and my life from ruin when you chose to give me your heart again. We have climbed mountains and we have certainly walked some dark valleys together. Through all of it we have grown closer and more appreciative of what the other brings to our partnership. So, as we begin this time of exciting change and progress in our lives I celebrate you as my partner in all these adventures. You are my best friend, you are wise counsel, you are my own personal comedian and a fiercely loyal partner regardless of circumstance. Thank you, dear one, for giving your love away not once, or even twice, but every day. Thank you for taking a risk with your trust and faith in me. Thank you for being authentic with me and letting me in to your life. Thank you for always being on the front lines fighting for US. I love you more than I know how to say. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Your wife

Your song makes me want to dance

I got up at 5 am this morning to put into action my Valentines Day plan; only to find that my wife had beaten me to it. Yesterday, I was out with my friend Brian who was buying something for his wife for Valentines Day and I was telling him of my great plan to write about the love Karrie and I have for each other on her blog as my gift to her for this holiday. So, I snuck downstairs this morning while everyone was still asleep and went to my wife’s blog to log in and post and found an open letter from my wife to me that expressed her love to me in a beautiful way. After almost thirteen years of marriage we are doing far more than finishing each others sentences, we are truly moving as one.

What I have learned over the years is that our love is like learning to dance; yes the goal is to move as one but the journey of figuring out how to do that is just as meaningful. I am not a particularly good dancer so I am familiar with what can be awkwardness of trying to move and not being sure if you are going to move in such a way that your partner will go with you. Learning to dance together means bumping into one another and stepping on each others feet; the cool thing is when you become secure in the affection of your partner you’re not so worried about looking foolish or being embarrassed but you figure it out together. Having the right partner means you can even laugh and enjoy the clumsiness of the learning the dance together.

I think Karrie and I love mastering the dance of life together, we have mastered so many elements of life and we have worked out many beautiful choreographed dances where we can move as one. At the same time we also love the process of the learning so we seem to seek out new dances to learn together as we grow. We have come not to panic when the music of life changes and we must find a new way to dance together; but we embrace it knowing that we will enjoy figuring it out together.

So, as the music of our life is changing now and we head into many new things at the same time I look forward to us learning yet another new dance and to continue to move as one. I love you Karrie; thanks for the dance.

Jamey

My Girl

This little girl started from the beginning to redefine parenting for me. She has challenged most of my assumptions and pushed buttons I didn't know I had! And I wouldn't give back a minute of it. She is vibrant and strong and her contagious laugh makes it nearly impossible not to join in. I love her penchant for flare and flash and her unabashed expression of her own style. She sings nearly every minute, even under her breath when she is supposed to be quiet. I love this girl. I love her passion. If she cares about something...she CARES about it, whether we find it of much concern or none at all, she feels it all in a BIG way. This is going to be valuable someday.

My prayer for my girl is that the she will allow her passionate spirit to be gently harnessed by God.The world needs folks with her passion who are in love with their Lord and driven to share it with all they meet. Its no accident that she is the girl she is, I am proud to be her Mama and I know I still will learn so much as I seek to shape her in the way the Lord would have me shape her.

3rd Birthday !!!

Today is Joebens 3rd birthday! I don't know where 3 years went. He is such a pickle, very animated and sooooo loving. He lights up the day of anyone who ventures near him. In the store yesterday he said "hello", and "pardon me" to nearly every person we passed. He had a shirt that I found on clearance for his birthday and he was holding it as such a treasure. When we were in line a nice "Grandma" lady said hello and he said, "Hello, I have my shirt. I will try it on when Mama buys it for me." She asked if he liked his shirt and of course she received and emphatic "Yeah". She smiled so brightly when he answered that way. Its not a life-changing moment, but its a life-blessing moment. He has a way of making the stresses around disappear for a minute while you join him in his happy 3 year old world. Happy Birthday little man. We love you.

A Precious Guy

Here's a precious guy for you. What would life be like without this boy in it? I have learned so much about relationships from him. He is a lot like me; worried about everyone and trying to fix "it", tempted to say what you want to hear. He is also light years ahead of me, he has humble confidence, such a kind heart, and a wit that will soon blast past his Dad's. His enthusiasm for the upcoming changes in his life has been a shining example and encouragement to me. He embraces challenge ready to succeed but okay with the possibility of failing. His perspective has served to take some of the sting out of the coming separation. I have learned through prayer, thinking, prayer, ( and did I say prayer?) that I have believed that being with me is the perfect place for him. While its a good place, probably one of the better places, its not THE place for him. God is the place for this precious young man. Wherever he attends school be it home, public, private or none at all - God is where he belongs and all else can be filtered through that truth. While I don't look forward to letting him go, I am so thankful to have the more than capable hands of our heavenly Father to place him in. I am privileged to walk beside him in this new chapter of his journey, as his mother and his friend.

Super Bowl Party

What a terrific time we had with our friends and kiddos at the superbowl party! It was such a pleasure to see them again after my time away. My friend Sally is pictured here with Joseph - she is such a treasure to me. It is so good to have folks come into your home and just fall into place, which is what they all do.

Our Corridor group is awesome. I am excited about what is to come and how we can minister to each other and the world around us. Just learning to love each other, to authentically lean on each other, and to leave gentle room for differences is exciting to me. I know that God has plans for the Corridor group and I am thankful to be a part of them and for each one that is a part of us. God is so good.

God of the Details

There is no doubt that God is God of everything. I don't question the big stuff much anymore. But I do wrestle with the details. The things that matter to me, but in the big picture, aren't all that vital. I have hashed this over with my husband and with other loved ones (you know who you are). I still wrestle and think and wonder...but lately, things that matter to me, but not to the fate of the world, appear to be orchestrated by his loving hand.

I had a job interview Friday with a very neat person. The job and the office look like a terrific place to work, I think I really would like this job. The hang-up is the picking the kids up/dropping them off and working that out with husband's schedule. When she and I compared notes regarding the work schedule, her needs matched up nearly exactly with ours! Down to the time of day etc.! I have been offered the job and will most likely accept it. The point is, many things about this job are perfect for me, its the first listing I found when I started to look and the one I wanted the most. Those all feel important to me, but nothing was so worriesome as the schedule and getting to the kids when I need to. Though I am sure there will be many hiccups and imperfections along the way, this very "dire" detail seems to have been lovingly taken care of.

We are hosting a super bowl party for our Corridor group tonight. I am excited about it. Not just because its the super bowl (and I DO love football), but because its something I can do WITH my husband. Together we can prepare our home space and our hearts for loving on these precious folks, and together we can yell at the game and refill the chili bowls around the room. Together we can play, laugh and pray and everything in between. Doing things with my husband is another "vital detail" to me; thus this game and party are a gift from above. Yes, God uses even football! ;-)

I am rambling, I don't think my coffee has kicked in yet; but I know that God is working out these "little" things in my life, perhaps just so I will tell others how BIG his love is, so big that it reaches us through the mundane details of human life.

Be merciful to me

From the garden to the cross,
Thy mercy did endure,
My soul perged from all dross,
In blood made pure.

Be merciful to me,
Be merciful to me,
Through shadow dark and valley deep;

Be merciful to me.

Holding Tightly

Anyone within my personal vicinity knows that I have been wondering and wavering the past few weeks. The worry of the future coupled with the knowledge that moving on is a must, have sent me into many emotional tailspins with doubt and anger as my traveling companions.
As usual, He didn't leave me to wallow around in my self-made mud. Through music, scripture and sound advice from dear ones in my life He has given me a leg up on all this chaos and a hope for the moment AND the big scary future.

As I watched the Gaither's with Grandma, the first change in perspective came. We can make jokes about the big hair and old-fashioned clothing, phrasing and music if we want to. And it would be naive to think that every person in these videos is walking tightly, authentically with the Lord every minute. BUT I believe I can safely refer to Poppa Goodman as a saint, or nearly. That night he was sharing that he didn't mind growing old and not being able to get around. But for the past few weeks he had been unable to sleep at night and hadn't even told his wife yet. He was being kept awake with the fearful question, "How did he know that heaven and Jesus were truly waiting for Him?" . His answer came in scripture and in song and praying his way through each night.
Here's my thinking at that point, as tears flowed down my face: if Poppa Goodman can doubt that Jesus and heaven are there for him, then its not just me, maybe I am not faithless....?
The words to a familiar Bebo Norman song reflect my feelings well:

It's on the tip of my heart,
the words to say
But I fall apart and I walk away
There's an angry world pressed against my back
And at every turn I keep looking back
And I know you promise me
Love through eternity
So why can't I just hold on
I want to live, I want to love
But I'm afraid my simple faith will never be enough
I want to laugh, I want to be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
But I don't know where to start
It's on the tip of my heart

I listened to this song as I walked through the snow in the mountains of Cumberland, and the beautiful thing is, through this comfortable song I have known for quite some time, God brought me new assurance. Someone else putting to words what I have been struggling with means that this is not new to humanity, more importantly, its not new to Him.

The same day as I read my devotional scripted for that date, I had more beauty heaped upon me!
Isaiah 41:13 "I am holding you by your right hand-I, the Lord your God. And I say to you, 'Do not be afraid, I am here to help you'. "

So I find that the details ahead are still worriesome. But since He holds my right hand, and I have the promise of His love for eternity, I believe I can take the steps I need to take today to walk with Him. And really, thats all I need to know.
The last chorus of the "Bebo" song says it well:

So I'm gonna live,
I'm gonna love
I'm not afraid because your grace will always be enough
I'm gonna laugh, I'm gonna be set free
And let you hold all that my soul has deep inside of me
You have shown me where to start
It's on the tip of my heart

My prayer is that as I hold tightly to His dear hand, His promise of eternal love will flow over and on to others.